I didn't sleep well last night. I woke up at 2 a.m. sweating, heart racing and breathing very heavy. I had had a nightmare about Mark's safety. It took me quite a while to settle down. Every little noise the house made had me checking the doors and windows. I told myself that Mocha would let me know if something was awry. I had a real fear. I went over scenarios in my head of what to do if presented with the intruder. My only concern was to protect my husband.
Lack of sleep was probably the cause of my migraine that started in sacrament meeting. I took half of one of Mark's Lortab. Didn't take long and I was feeling dizzy and disconnected. Mark asked me if he should drive home. Hmmm....which one of us would be the least safe? I laughed. Once home and I had my migraine meds, the headache subsided. Took longer for the effects of the Lortab to wear off. That was awful.
I told Mark about my dream as we lay in bed together. He knows it was just a dream but said he is concerned about our safety, as well. I don't think we'll feel any real peace until all of this is resolved. I do hope an end comes that will allow us to feel that peace. If you've never experienced that nagging base fear at the back of your mind, count yourself lucky.
Scarlet, it is only natural that you have feelings like this. You and your family have been through a very tramatic experience, which is ongoing and still completely unresolved at this point in time. I have the name of an AWESOME Dr. at BYU if your interested. In the mean time, I can teach you some stuff to defend yourself, because, like my daughter Mary likes to say, "you don't have to look scary to be scary." You should feel safe in your own home, it breaks my heart that you don't right now.
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