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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Wall

I don't really know how to say I guess I'll just come right out and say it. While we were in the hospital the bank decided to sell our house. I won't bore you with the details. I'll just say it's been a long hard two and a half years here in Salem and I guess it's time to move on. We can't afford it anyway, what with no income and no real timeline for when Mark can go back to work. I'm looking for work, but don't know if he's ready to be alone yet. As Madison was sobbing uncontrollably about moving, I counseled her that she needed to look at it as a new adventure. Just as Birdie told Kathleen in "You've Got Mail", we are daring to dream that our lives can be different. I don't know if it's that or we're just dealing with whatever crappy circumstances we're handed, but we'll be the very NEAR future.

There was a time about 2 years ago when our sweet Bishop counseled us that if there was anything for sure that he knew about the Lord, it was that He takes you right to the wall. I was convinced then that we were PAST the wall. Then we endured another 2 years of financial stress, misery and uncertainty, only to be thrust into utter hell with Mark's assault. I told the Bishop when he came to visit Mark in the hospital that I think the Lord keeps moving the wall. And just when I think I might actually be able to pick myself up and move forward...WHAM! There's the wall...AGAIN! I feel like I'm standing alone and my whole life is swirling around me and I can't make it slow down or even figure out where to jump in and start trying to live it again. So it is with a heavy heart and fear of what the future may bring that I write these words. I write them because it's an outlet for that fear. It's a "record of my people". And sometimes, just sometimes, it makes me feel a little better to get it off my chest.


  1. You are not alone! And I love You've Got Mail! We're here for you and love you.

  2. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with so much right now. Know that we love you and are here for you as well! Please let me know if there is anything that we can do for you! Love you :)