Movie Night

Monday's are always filled with a bit of dread. It's back to the grindstone of school, homework, laundry, bills, etc. But Monday was filled with a little excitement, too, as we went back to speech therapy. We missed it for a week due to our little hiatus back in the hospital. I enjoy going to speech therapy with Mark because I get to see the changes in him. He has started to enjoy it, too, and watching him feel some accomplishment is worth it's weight in gold.

While speech is going well, pain meds are not. Mark has chronic back pain due to degenerative disc disease, and now he has headaches from a crushed skull and brain surgery. It's a topic of much grief in our marriage. They are a necessary evil. I fear my lack of strength in regards to this matter is what landed Mark back in the hospital with a seizure. I have vowed to not let that happen again, no matter how upset he gets with me. EVENTUALLY he will realize that what I'm doing is helping him, not belittling him. But it is hard to always be the strong one. I've had to plant a smile on my face for 3 months now. I'm sick and tired of it. I NEVER get a day off. Especially if he's having a particularly bad day. And I don't mean a day off from the caretaking...I mean a day off from the emotional strain of being the backbone of this family. I'm tired and it's wearing me thin (although my butt seems to be the exact opposite of that).

Mark got to enjoy one of his favorite things...guy's night out with Doug. They used to go to the movie every Tuesday night, no matter what was available to see. They even went to see "Date Night" when they had seen everything else. The theater was full of couples and they felt a little awkward. Mark was beaming from ear to ear when he walked in the door. I think he felt normal, if not for just a few hours. Feels really good to see him doing normal things. The thing he wants to do most is go back to work. We'll be seeing the rehab doc again on the 22nd to see when he can get the okay. I will have a hard time with this. I want to roll him in bubble wrap to protect him from any harm. We have come so far that I can't imagine having to go back. The seizure was scary enough. I know that day will eventually come so I'm going to start preparing myself for it now. It will be good for both of us.

p.s. Blessing of the day: forgiveness