Mean Joe Green

No EEG today. Don't know why. All doctors are pretty confident it was a seizure. He perked up a little more when they changed his agitation meds. Medicaid only pays for one inpatient rehab stay per diagnosis per life. So, he won't be going back to inpatient rehab. He either will be well enough for me to bring home and take care of myself, or he'll go to a skilled nursing facility. But we still don't know when.

Can I just tell you how hearing the words "skilled nursing facility" makes me feel? Sick, sick, sick. He needs to get better so I can bring him home. He needs your prayers. Again.

He was really drowsy and groggy today. He's very agitated that we have restraints on him. If he's not restrained he pulls out his catheter and always wants to get out of bed. He is not firm on his feet right now and at an extremely high risk of falling.

He was mean to me today. And while I know it's the meds and his condition talking, it hurt like hell. He's so frustrated with his own condition that we lay in the bed together and cried. Him for feeling like a failure and a worthless human being, and I for a broken heart. I got to the point that I couldn't even go into the room with him. I was an emotional basket case. I sat outside in the hall and cried until my head hurt. Then I gathered myself together and went back inside to hold his hand, tell him AGAIN why I couldn't take off the restraints, and be berated AGAIN about how I don't care about him. I waited until he had his sleep meds and then snuck out to come home for some much needed rest. Thank you, my friend, for being there when I need you the most. And thank you, my many friends, for helping me make the right moving decision. I love you all. I look forward to happier posts.