Normal?

I talked with Dr. Cook today about doing Mark's surgery to remove the screws and plates. They don't want to schedule it until we hear from Crime Victim's Reparations. I told her I'd get back to her on that. Even though I got the confirming phone call today from IHC that they're writing off what we owe the hospital, I want to appeal the state's decision. If there's even a remote chance that they could pay something to these wonderful doctors and facilities that have been so crucial to our recovery, it's worth it to me. And I want there to be some accountability. I'm not sure if the next surgery would be done if we get denied again. I'm not sure how much charity work Dr. Cook is willing to do.

Mark practiced his reading out loud today. He did MUCH better than he was doing last week. I praise him often during these exercises so he knows how well he's doing. But even though I praise him, he knows he's nowhere near where he was before the injury. He told me he sounds like a 3-year-old. He's embarrassed. He's humiliated. And that makes me ANGRY!

The neuro/psyche counselor, Dr. Gregory, talked to us about "normal". He's trying to get Mark to understand that what he thinks is "normal", is not "normal" anymore. We have to find a new "normal" right now, and that "normal" will evolve and change throughout his recovery. We have to understand that we will never be what we were before. We have to adapt to our new situation and be willing and open to change. That's hard to accept. I want more than anything to have my old Mark back. Knowing that's not going to happen and ACCEPTING that's not going to happen are two different things.

I laid in bed tonight thinking about how much I do for my husband. He frequently needs assurance that I DO love him and I'm NOT going anywhere. He wonders why I would stay with him and endure this ordeal when I could go and find an "easier" life with someone else. As I thought about this I wondered, "What would he do if he didn't have me to love and care for him? Who would do this for him?" And sadly...there's was no one. And so I guess I'll keep doing for him not because there is no one else to do it...but because I want to...and I love him more than life itself.

Blessing of the Day: someone to love