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Monday, May 9, 2011

Put On A Happy Face : )

Mark has been very distressed about the preliminary hearing on Wednesday. So stressed that he wanted to meet with the prosecutor. We sat down with him for about an hour and went over how things were going to play out. Mark will have to testify about what he can remember. Should be a short testimony, huh? We'll see. We did find out that the neurosurgeon that saved Mark's life will be there to testify. I can't wait to hear what he has to say.

Anytime we have to discuss the assault or any kind of legalities regarding it, it puts a certain amount of strain on us. We don't dwell on it day after day, but it obviously is a huge monkey on our backs, so to speak, that we have to try and manage as best we can. We try not to let the stress come between us, but sometimes it does. And today it did. All of this legal stuff needs to hurry up and be done. It's the closure that we need to help us move forward.

It's quite the balancing act I am required to perform. Mark's heart is very tender and impressionable right now. If he senses even the slightest bit of tension from me, it sends him into a tailspin. He thinks I'm upset with him because he's "too dumb to understand everything that's going on", or "you're getting sick of having to take care of me", or "this is all going to be too much to handle and you're going to leave me". So whether I'm happy, stressed, sad, angry or just sick and tired of everything I have to do, I put on my happy face for him. And even when I'm feeling like it's so unfair that I have to DO that, I remember how he's feeling and how all of this has affected him and his life, and I do it again. The only opportunity I have to express my true feelings is here...on this blog. So I apologize if it seems that I've been "Debbie Downer" as of late, but I have to vent somewhere and to someone. Fortunately for y'all, I don't vent EVERYTHING I'm thinking or feeling. But thanks for listening, anyway.

Blessing of the Day: outlets

1 comment:

  1. Keep using us as an outlet, I can listen (read) venting and it's ok. You are the strongest woman I know for putting on a happy face amid all this. We are praying for you and hope tomorrow goes smoothly and you can say or hear what you want and need to.

    Love you all.