Anger, Love, Sadness, Compassion and Gratitude

As we sit together and read our scriptures every night, I experience several extreme emotions. The first is always anger. Anger towards the bastards who almost killed my husband, and by so doing have belittled him to the reading level of a first grader. Anger as I watch him struggle to not only read the words, but comprehend what it is he's reading. He's lost his sense of where the emphasis should be placed and the composition of a sentence. He runs on without it making sense. He struggles through his few verses, and then embarrassed looks at me and says, "Ok. That's enough." And almost nightly he will express how embarrassed he is that his 2nd grader reads better than he does. Anger that we have lost everything. Anger that we are required to give so much. Anger over the senselessness of such a horriffic act. Anger, anger, anger.

The second emotion is love. An overwhelming rush of love for this man who has endured so much. The man I have spent the last 19 years loving and caring for. Love that has seen us through so much in our time together. Love for a generous Father in Heaven for answering my fervant prayers that my husband would live. Love for my beautiful girls. Love, love, love.

The third is sadness. Sadness for all that we have lost as a family. Sadness for all that Mark has lost as a man. Sadness for all that will not be ours due to the tragedy. Sadness for all that my sweet husband must endure in order to try and recover. Sadness as I watch him struggle to do things that were second nature before the injuries. Sadness for his sadness. Sadness for his struggles. Sadness for what my girls have lost. Sadness for what I have lost. Sadness, sadness, sadness.

The fourth is compassion. Compassion that allows me to forget myself and focus on helping my sweet husband. Compassion so that I may give more to my family than I've ever been asked to give before. Compassion, compassion, compassion.

The last is always gratitude. Gratitude to my Father in Heaven that he spared me more heartache than I could handle. Gratitude to Him that He spared my girls that same heartache. Gratitude that we are an eternal family. Gratitude for the miraculous recovery Mark has had. Gratitude for all those who have helped us to endure this journey. Gratitude for the love and support of my first family. Gratitude for the years ahead and the opportunities that they hold. Gratitude for the Plan of Salvation. Gratitude for the righteous examples that we read about in the scriptures, and the hope that they give me. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

Blessing of the Day: scriptures