Worry Wart

So much worry.

For the last few days Mark has been in a pretty deep depression. He hasn't been very active. He's not had any projects going. And for Mark, that's a problem. See...he's a thinker. And if he's not actively focused on DOING something, he starts thinking. Thinking about how useless he is. Thinking about how he can't be an electrician anymore. Thinking about how his wife has to go to work while he stays at home and tries to re-learn how to read. Thinking about how his family is living in someone else's home. Thinking about what a failure he has become. Thinking about how long it will be before his wife gets sick of it all and leaves him. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Worrying, worrying, worrying.

Mark is so consumed with whether or not he'll be able to work again. He asks me about 10 times a day if he'll ever be able to provide for his family. He asks me if it's the Lord that's told me he'll be able to work or if I just "think" he'll be able to. He wants to know what the doctor says and why we're doing all of this testing and not moving forward with things. A man of patience he is not. A man of worry he is.

And I've been doing some thinking myself. I've been thinking how tired I am of being the strong one. I've been thinking how emotionally & physically drained I am for having to be all things to everyone. I've been thinking how this is really hard, for all of us, and wondering what it's going to take for us to feel "normal" again. And maybe we just need to re-evaluate what "normal" is and just accept that there is no such thing. This is it. And as I type this all I can think is how tired I am. I'm just so very tired. Of everything.

Blessing of the Day: little girl hugs & kisses