Discovery

I wish I had a photo to post from our AWESOME camping trip, but Murphy's Law claimed the battery on my camera.

It was a rough start to get out of here on Friday, but we finally left around 5:00. It took us forever to get there because we had to make a few stops along the way to gather things we had inadvertently forgotten. The first trip out is always the roughest as we forget at least 50% of the things we need. You would think after all these years that we could get it together, but we can't. We were worried that because we left so late that we wouldn't get a good spot. We have certain "spots" we always go to, and low and behold, ours was still available. I think because of all of the late spring snow and rain that people were leery of heading up those roads. But not Mark! They actually weren't bad. We had the usual mud holes to go through, but they were pretty easy to get through. It was such a great trip. It was quiet, peaceful and stress free. For just a few days we were able to escape from the world and all the ugliness it has held for us as of late. We didn't want to come home.

On our way in we almost hit a deer, and from then on we were counting all of the wildlife we saw. We ended up seeing 54 deer, 1 elk and 2 russet colored cranes. At least I think they were cranes. We even saw a doe and her twins. We adopted a chipmunk we named Charlie, and we fed him bread and graham crackers. The mosquito's were too numerous to name.

We sat around the campfire, built mud pie volcanoes down by the creek, went on hikes, counted deer, slapped mosquitoes, slept past 8:00, and laughed together as a family. It was a much needed break and felt really good to do something normal. Something we did before our lives fell apart. Something we will continue to do, as a family, for the rest of our lives. It felt really, really good. We're counting down the days until our next trip.

I did discover something, though. The girls were in the camper watching cartoons and Mark and I decided to go for a walk. We were talking about "things" and I had a breakdown. It's all still so raw for me. I think that I've been so busy handling everything, doing everything, that I haven't dealt with any of the emotions. I've crammed them into a jar labeled "December 1" and stuck them on a shelf. I think I probably need to get some counseling...by myself. I can talk to Mark about anything in the world, but I need this for ME. Talking to him used to be so easy and comfortable. It's just not the same. I think I need "professional" help. But I'm not sure I'm ready to start dealing with it. I feel like if I do, I somehow give away the accountability of the guilty parties. I don't know if that makes sense to all of you, but it's why I hang on to the anger. But Mark did say something to me that was profound. And I will try to heed his counsel and move on. For me. For Mark. For our family. For our future.

Blessing of the Day: helpmeets