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Friday, November 2, 2012

I Hate TBI

I hate TBI.  I hate what it's done to my family.  I hate that we have to deal with it EVERYDAY.  I hate what it has stolen from Mark.  I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

That being said, I am profoundly grateful for the extent of Mark's recovery.  Most people that see him now can't believe how well he's doing.  People that don't know him don't actually know that he has a brain injury until he tells them.  Those are great blessings.

But I am married to him.  No one knows how difficult some days really are.  For him and for me.  My patience is tried often and his love for me only grows stronger.  There are more good days than bad days, but when the bad days hit....they're bad.  That's when I have my breakdown and realize that I'm not "over" all of this.  I've still not fully "accepted" our new life.  I cry and want my old life back.  I don't like our new "normal".  I guess I'm still in mourning.  I don't know when I'm going to be able to talk about it without crying.  Just yesterday Mark was in my office and we were talking about some of his visitors in the hospital and I started crying.  We don't talk about it everyday, or even every week.  But if the subject comes up, the emotions start, the feelings churn and I'm back by his hospital bed on those dark nights.  It can almost be unbearable at times.

So while I love my husband more than life and am grateful for his preserved life and recovery...TBI sucks.  This whole experience sucks.

Here is an interesting article.  If they had interviewed me, I would have said the same thing.

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