Therapy

I know I've been slacking in the posting department. There have been a lot of down days at our house. Because I LIVE this life everyday, sometimes it's just too much to sit down and write about it and relive it. But the therapist and I decided that it's probably helpful for me to get the emotions out. Because the don't come out, otherwise.

I hate to be "Wo is me" all the time. That's just not me. But most weeks we live in pretty dismal spirits. It seems to be a lot of our life lately. We've got all of us trying to adjust to our circumstances and trying to figure out and understand where to go from here. We want our lives back.

The trial is approaching and it's really taking it's toll on our states of mind. Mark especially. He's has such anxiety and worry that he doesn't sleep and the body tremors start. Lack of sleep adds to the depression. You can't even imagine what Mark and I go through every day. And I don't share my thoughts and feelings with him because it will make his burden worse. I'm shouldering everything for this family. His worries, pain and fear. The girls' worries, pain and fear. My own worry, pain and fear. That's a lot for my weak, tired shoulders to bare. But I hurt and worry the most about Mark. There have been some days in the last couple of weeks that I wondered if he'd make it through the day. I'm out of answers. I'm out of positive encouragements. I'm out of energy. I'm out of care. It truly is too much to bare. And adding in 65 hour work weeks isn't helping. So when I knew I couldn't handle anymore yesterday, I left work early and met with the therapist. I was able to cry all the way from work to BYU, so I actually seemed pretty put together by the time I got there. But it didn't take long for the waterworks to start up again. After talking about MANY things, he asked me at the end that if there was ANYTHING I could ask for myself, what would it be?

I told him I wanted my husband to be made whole.

Blessing of the Week: a shoulder to cry on