Day 1 - 11 hours of grueling brain surgery, expected to die
Day 6 - Opened eyes from coma
Day 11 - Thumbs-up and a kiss
Day 13 - Stands up
Day 16 - First steps
Day 17 - Moved to Rehab
Day 20 - Wants to go home
Day 27 - Sarcasm returns
Day 31 - Walked out of the hospital, on his own accord, to go home
I chronicle this now because Mark's really struggling with where he's NOT. I know it's difficult for him, but he doesn't quite realize where he's come from because he doesn't remember it. And I'm SO grateful that I thought to take pictures and even some video so that I had proof to show him EXACTLY where he's been, which proves just how FAR he's come. He was having a particularly hard time one day this week and I remembered that I'd taken some video of his first walk. As he watched this video on my little Sony camera, the tears were relentless. When I asked him if he was okay he said he was just really grateful for the miracles that had been performed on his behalf. And as you watch this video, you will see the miracles as well.
Blessing of the Day: permanent records
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Deja Vu
Mark had the plates and screws removed from around his eye today. He was a nervous wreck going in. The procedure lasted about an hour and we brought home the hardware.
I'm grateful that there are no more surgeries. It was really hard to be in the hospital again today. I even got emotional before he went in for the surgery. It's still too raw and real. Fortunately, it was same-day surgery and we were home by 1:00. The first thing he said to me when I walked into post-op was, "I don't ever want to do this again!" My sentiments exactly.
Blessing of the Day: awesome doctors
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The Way We Were
I should be so happy today...and I was a few hours ago. Somehow my mind has wandered and I'm pretty down. I was driving around alone tonight and passed a ball field where little boys were playing their first games. Families were crowded into the stands with blankets draped over them cheering on their boys. I had a brief thought: "I'm glad that's not me." But another thought quickly followed. "If it were me, it would mean that my life would not be in the mess it is now. I would be happily living in my own home, my husband would be well and fully employed, we would not be so heavily financially burdened, and we'd be happily enjoying our children and the extracurricular activies they love." And I wondered again how I got here and if it's ever going to end.
We went to Salem today to pick up our work truck. We were driving through town and Avery saw a house that had a "For Sale" sign in front. She said, "Mom, no one lives in that house. We could buy that one and live there." It's heartbreaking to ruin the innocence of my children by having to explain to them that it will be a long time until we're in a home of our own again. It's difficult to look them in the face and tell them we can't afford piano lessons, or horse riding lessons, or tennis lessons.
I don't know why today was the day, but it was. I want my life back. I want to go back to November 30th and skip all of the tragedy. I have so much to be thankful for, but today I just want to grieve all that I've lost. I am sad. I am broken.
Blessing of the Day: cleansing tears
We went to Salem today to pick up our work truck. We were driving through town and Avery saw a house that had a "For Sale" sign in front. She said, "Mom, no one lives in that house. We could buy that one and live there." It's heartbreaking to ruin the innocence of my children by having to explain to them that it will be a long time until we're in a home of our own again. It's difficult to look them in the face and tell them we can't afford piano lessons, or horse riding lessons, or tennis lessons.
I don't know why today was the day, but it was. I want my life back. I want to go back to November 30th and skip all of the tragedy. I have so much to be thankful for, but today I just want to grieve all that I've lost. I am sad. I am broken.
Blessing of the Day: cleansing tears
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Where Do We Go From Here?
Mark has been a little emotional as of late. Today's speech therapy wasn't so much about speech as it was trying to get control of his emotions. But I did garner some good information about vocational rehab and a brain injury support group at BYU. I'll be making phone calls over the next couple of days to get him into both of these programs.
Vocational rehab will do an assessment of Mark's skill set and try and help determine if he's really ready to go back to work, and what exactly he'll be able to do. The question as to whether or not he'll ever be an electrician again is weighing heavily on his mind. And I'm pretty certain it won't be in the capacity it was before the assault. So we probably have to find something else for him to learn how to do. They do help pay for schooling if there is a change in vocation. We won't know until we get him evaluated and then we can move from there. And it may even be that he can still be an electrician, just not right now. He may not REALLY be ready to go back to work.
I want to get him into the support group so that he can understand where he's at. I told him about Representative Gilbert from Arizona and how she had a very similar injury (same side of the brain) and she's still in the hospital doing rehab. Mark spent 2 weeks in rehab...she's spent 3 months. He knows he's a walking miracle, but it's still hard to accept his current state. It still sucks. And I think that if he can meet others who have been where he's been or are even at the same stage of recovery as him, it'll be easier to keep going everyday. And easier to be patient with himself. His ego is really suffering as I've been out looking for work. It really bothers him that I'll be working while he's at home. The speech therapist told him that he may not be ready to go to work yet, so he needs to realize that his "job" is to get better. I think they may have helped him a little.
I'm praying for sunshine tomorrow and hoping that it'll make a difference in how he feels. I'm grasping at straws, anymore. Anything at all that can help him I'm willing to do. Anything.
Blessing of the Day: miracles
Vocational rehab will do an assessment of Mark's skill set and try and help determine if he's really ready to go back to work, and what exactly he'll be able to do. The question as to whether or not he'll ever be an electrician again is weighing heavily on his mind. And I'm pretty certain it won't be in the capacity it was before the assault. So we probably have to find something else for him to learn how to do. They do help pay for schooling if there is a change in vocation. We won't know until we get him evaluated and then we can move from there. And it may even be that he can still be an electrician, just not right now. He may not REALLY be ready to go back to work.
I want to get him into the support group so that he can understand where he's at. I told him about Representative Gilbert from Arizona and how she had a very similar injury (same side of the brain) and she's still in the hospital doing rehab. Mark spent 2 weeks in rehab...she's spent 3 months. He knows he's a walking miracle, but it's still hard to accept his current state. It still sucks. And I think that if he can meet others who have been where he's been or are even at the same stage of recovery as him, it'll be easier to keep going everyday. And easier to be patient with himself. His ego is really suffering as I've been out looking for work. It really bothers him that I'll be working while he's at home. The speech therapist told him that he may not be ready to go to work yet, so he needs to realize that his "job" is to get better. I think they may have helped him a little.
I'm praying for sunshine tomorrow and hoping that it'll make a difference in how he feels. I'm grasping at straws, anymore. Anything at all that can help him I'm willing to do. Anything.
Blessing of the Day: miracles
Monday, April 25, 2011
'Ere You Left Your Room This Morning
It was another down day. Even despite his freedom in being able to drive and the couple of hours he was able to work. Mark's really struggling. I only ask that you keep praying for us. And I say "keep" because I know you haven't stopped. And we are so very grateful for your prayers. He is a testament that prayer works miracles.
Blessing of the Day: prayer
Blessing of the Day: prayer
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Here Comes Peter Cottontail
What a great weekend. I love celebrating Easter. For the REAL reason for Easter, and the fun part of Easter. It's just a great holiday.
Mark's been really tired these last few days. I think he must be going through some brain recovery period. He hates it that he doesn't have any energy or stamina. He feels like a bum. And today he's been particularly down. We all got up to get ready for church and he decided he didn't want to go. I came home after Sacrament meeting to put out the Easter basket treasure hunt and get lunch started. He was up and about, but kind of mopey. He got into the spirit of things and was excited for the girls to get home from church. The treasure hunt was a HUGE success (our first time) and he thanked me for being a great mom and making sure his babies had the best Easter. We enjoyed a WONDERFUL lunch and then the melancholy set back in. He was very emotional wondering if he was ever going to "be a man." He was asking the adults at the dinner table if they thought he was a good man, if they thought he was good enough for me, if they thought he was ever going to be the husband and father we deserve. Then he decided he needed a Priesthood blessing.
My mom called the Bishop over, as he's her home teacher. He was thrilled that she called him because my mother has NEVER asked for help from her home teachers. He listened as Mark tried to express himself through tears. I ended having to tell the Bishop what's been on Mark's mind. He was too emotional. The Bishop counseled him and the he and my brother Tye gave him a beautiful blessing. Sacred words spoken to Mark directly from his Father in Heaven. The Spirit was very strong. Peace and comfort were provided. Things were even said that I wish were admissable in a court of law. Unfortunately, they will have to wait until they are spoken in the Lord's court. And truly that is the only one that matters. After the Bishop left, Mark was overcome with extremem fatigue. I think this must be why he was so exhausted over the weekend. He's been carrying around this stress and worry and self doubt. What a relief to know that his Father in Heaven is aware of him, loves him, is blessing him every day, and knows the truth of the events of the assault. He slept for the rest of the afternoon.
I can't adequately express what it does to my heart when Mark feels this way. Under normal circumstances when a person has a down day, they can get counsel or say a prayer and things can look better. When you're faced with extreme odds that were no fault of your own, it's maddening. And I get angry and sad all over again. Mark has had a miraculous recovery. And for that we are so very grateful. But it's still hard, everyday, waiting patiently for his body to finish recovering, and wondering how far the recovery will go. There are still so many unknowns. We are still on a roller coaster ride. Two steps forward, one step back. And we can only take it one day at a time.
Blessing of the Day: priesthood
Mark's been really tired these last few days. I think he must be going through some brain recovery period. He hates it that he doesn't have any energy or stamina. He feels like a bum. And today he's been particularly down. We all got up to get ready for church and he decided he didn't want to go. I came home after Sacrament meeting to put out the Easter basket treasure hunt and get lunch started. He was up and about, but kind of mopey. He got into the spirit of things and was excited for the girls to get home from church. The treasure hunt was a HUGE success (our first time) and he thanked me for being a great mom and making sure his babies had the best Easter. We enjoyed a WONDERFUL lunch and then the melancholy set back in. He was very emotional wondering if he was ever going to "be a man." He was asking the adults at the dinner table if they thought he was a good man, if they thought he was good enough for me, if they thought he was ever going to be the husband and father we deserve. Then he decided he needed a Priesthood blessing.
My mom called the Bishop over, as he's her home teacher. He was thrilled that she called him because my mother has NEVER asked for help from her home teachers. He listened as Mark tried to express himself through tears. I ended having to tell the Bishop what's been on Mark's mind. He was too emotional. The Bishop counseled him and the he and my brother Tye gave him a beautiful blessing. Sacred words spoken to Mark directly from his Father in Heaven. The Spirit was very strong. Peace and comfort were provided. Things were even said that I wish were admissable in a court of law. Unfortunately, they will have to wait until they are spoken in the Lord's court. And truly that is the only one that matters. After the Bishop left, Mark was overcome with extremem fatigue. I think this must be why he was so exhausted over the weekend. He's been carrying around this stress and worry and self doubt. What a relief to know that his Father in Heaven is aware of him, loves him, is blessing him every day, and knows the truth of the events of the assault. He slept for the rest of the afternoon.
I can't adequately express what it does to my heart when Mark feels this way. Under normal circumstances when a person has a down day, they can get counsel or say a prayer and things can look better. When you're faced with extreme odds that were no fault of your own, it's maddening. And I get angry and sad all over again. Mark has had a miraculous recovery. And for that we are so very grateful. But it's still hard, everyday, waiting patiently for his body to finish recovering, and wondering how far the recovery will go. There are still so many unknowns. We are still on a roller coaster ride. Two steps forward, one step back. And we can only take it one day at a time.
Blessing of the Day: priesthood
Friday, April 22, 2011
On The Road Again.....
Strange things happened today. But monumental ones, as well.
We went to the grocery store this morning and on our way home Mark was trying to tell me something. He started a sentence and then just stopped. I thought he was trying to think of the right word so I started throwing some out that I thought were appropriate. But that wasn't it. I stopped in the middle of the road to watch his physical demeanor for signs of seizure. He was producing small noises, but no words. He was looking at me while he was trying to actually speak. NOTHING WAS COMING OUT! This lasted for about 15-20 seconds, and then he said, "What the hell was that?" He said that he knew what he wanted to say, he knew who I was and that he was still with me mentally, but he couldn't make his mouth work. Needless to say, it freaked us both out.
As we pulled into the driveway, tears welled up in his eyes. He said that experience really scared him and wondered if this was how it was going to be for the rest of his life. He wondered if he was ever going to get his life back. He wondered if he was doomed to be an "unemployed, stupid talking idiot".
I thought I needed to let the doctor know about this, so I left him a message. He called me back shortly after that to discuss his driving abilities. He said he got nothing but rave reviews from everyone that drove with him, and that the OT said his mental capacity had improved greatly in just the 3 weeks between his drive test and her discussion with us on Tuesday. He asked about his visit to the hospital in February and whether or not it was deemed an actual seizure, was he on seizure medication, was he required to see a neurologist. We went over everything, including his little episode this morning, and then he asked me what I thought. He asked me if I was comfortable with him driving. After much discussion, he gave us the thumbs up. Mark is legal to drive again!!!
I found Mark playing checkers on the computer and told him I'd just talked to the doctor. I told him the doc said there's no way he's ready to drive. You could see the red moving from his neck up through his face. He wanted to know WHY he said that, WHAT he said, and declared it was "BULLSH*T!" I had a good laugh at his expense and he was not happy. But after putting up with 18 years of his teasing, I finally had an opportunity to get him back and I wasn't wasting it.
It was then that he decided to go on a roadtrip. He was gone for 3 hours, and although he had his phone with him, I was a bit nervous. He did call me a few times...not while he was driving. That is a BIG no-no. He was so happy. He was free. It made up for the emotional let-down he'd had earlier. He told me when he got home and he was exhausted that it had been a really good day. And I'm so glad. He needs a few more of these.
Blessing of the Day: teasing
We went to the grocery store this morning and on our way home Mark was trying to tell me something. He started a sentence and then just stopped. I thought he was trying to think of the right word so I started throwing some out that I thought were appropriate. But that wasn't it. I stopped in the middle of the road to watch his physical demeanor for signs of seizure. He was producing small noises, but no words. He was looking at me while he was trying to actually speak. NOTHING WAS COMING OUT! This lasted for about 15-20 seconds, and then he said, "What the hell was that?" He said that he knew what he wanted to say, he knew who I was and that he was still with me mentally, but he couldn't make his mouth work. Needless to say, it freaked us both out.
As we pulled into the driveway, tears welled up in his eyes. He said that experience really scared him and wondered if this was how it was going to be for the rest of his life. He wondered if he was ever going to get his life back. He wondered if he was doomed to be an "unemployed, stupid talking idiot".
I thought I needed to let the doctor know about this, so I left him a message. He called me back shortly after that to discuss his driving abilities. He said he got nothing but rave reviews from everyone that drove with him, and that the OT said his mental capacity had improved greatly in just the 3 weeks between his drive test and her discussion with us on Tuesday. He asked about his visit to the hospital in February and whether or not it was deemed an actual seizure, was he on seizure medication, was he required to see a neurologist. We went over everything, including his little episode this morning, and then he asked me what I thought. He asked me if I was comfortable with him driving. After much discussion, he gave us the thumbs up. Mark is legal to drive again!!!
I found Mark playing checkers on the computer and told him I'd just talked to the doctor. I told him the doc said there's no way he's ready to drive. You could see the red moving from his neck up through his face. He wanted to know WHY he said that, WHAT he said, and declared it was "BULLSH*T!" I had a good laugh at his expense and he was not happy. But after putting up with 18 years of his teasing, I finally had an opportunity to get him back and I wasn't wasting it.
It was then that he decided to go on a roadtrip. He was gone for 3 hours, and although he had his phone with him, I was a bit nervous. He did call me a few times...not while he was driving. That is a BIG no-no. He was so happy. He was free. It made up for the emotional let-down he'd had earlier. He told me when he got home and he was exhausted that it had been a really good day. And I'm so glad. He needs a few more of these.
Blessing of the Day: teasing
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