I have been trying to post the following for 3 days and there's been a problem with Blogger. I'll get another posted probably later tonight.
I'm sorry I've been incognito for a few more days than usual. I had to prepare for and run the Ragnar Wasatch Back this last weekend. For those who don't know what that is, it's a 192 mile relay race from Logan to Park City, Utah. We have a 12 person team that shares those miles. It starts on Friday morning and we run through the night and into Saturday evening. It's the craziest thing I've ever paid money to do. But it's truly the greatest achievement.
So, it's a little hard to go back to what happened this last week. But I'll try. Mark finished up his testing on Thursday morning (4 hours), and we'll be meeting with the doc tonight to go over his results. He'll be giving us the good and bad news. We're both nervous and excited. We want to know where we stand and what it's going to take to get Mark back to his regular life. We've been warned that it's going to be a slow process, and we know that, but we're very excited to start that journey. No one more so than Mark. I hope he's not discouraged by the test results. The tests were very difficult for him, so he already knows he didn't do very well. I just keep reminding him that it doesn't matter because we have to know what we're dealing with and where we're starting from. We can only go up from here since we're praying there won't be anymore seizures or issues.
Mark did really well without me this weekend. He had a lot of help from my mom, but he still managed pretty well. He took the girls to the movie by himself. I'm sure that was a bit of a challenge, but he did it. He missed me terribly. Sent me several text messages. I'm glad we had this seperation. It was good for me to get away. While my "vacation" was not relaxing in the least, it was time for me to do something just for me. And it felt really good, if not extremely exhausting.
One of the girls in my car hadn't heard about the assault. So after everyone had asked how Mark was doing and how things were going, I had to fill her in. She was, of course, completely astounded. And after talking about it for a few hours, we were lying in our beds at the hotel on Thursday night and she asked me what I had learned the most from this experience. At the time I couldn't really give her an answer because I've learned so many different things. After giving it some serious thought, Saturday morning I told her it was that I can do hard things. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and if I do say so myself, I think I've handled it pretty well. I have my moments that can sometimes turn into days, but overall I know that as difficult as it's been, I've dealt with it and endured it well. I'm still enduring it well. I've had so many people tell me they don't know how I've been able to get through. And I used to think that I really had no other options. But each and every one of them has said, "Yes you did. You could have curled up into the fetal position in the corner and chosen not to deal with it at all." And you know what...I'm starting to believe them. I'm proud of what I've done. It's hard and I'm doing it. I can do hard things.
Blessing of the Day: support of others
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Welcome Home
We had a nice weekend. Aside from an exhausting head cold I had to suffer through, we had a good time. It's been a relatively quiet few days since.
We got to picnic in the park both Saturday & Sunday. Saturday's was a combo birthday/welcome home party for my brother Lee and his wife Leigh. He's home for some R&R from Afghanistan and her birthday was on Tuesday. They both love to golf so I was asked to make them a golf themed cake.
Lee flew out to Afghanistan on the day of the assault. He hasn't been able to view the blog due to security measures by the Army. He's only gotten limited information from his wife. He came over Wednesday night to see us. The first person he wanted to see wasn't his only sister, or even his mother. It was Mark. He gave him a big hug and told him he scared the hell out of him. We sat and talked about everything that's happened since and he said that he and his CO just kept shaking their heads and asking, "Who does this? Who is capable of beating his own brother to within an inch of his life?" I showed him some pictures and he was just completely overwhelmed...again. It was good to get validation, yet again.
For the picnic we went to the South Fork Park above Vivian Park in Provo Canyon. It was a beautiful day to be outside. The kids played frisbee, rolled down the hill, went on "the BEST adventure EVER!!" (according to Avery), and saw a cow moose with her baby...3 times. Twice, Mark and the girls walked up on them in the trees. Then when we were driving down the canyon we saw them laying down in some grass bedding down for the night. It was a great evening.
On Sunday we headed up to Murray Park in Salt Lake to meet up with some dear friends. There were 8 adults and 15 kids. We stretched out some blankets, filled our tummies with picnic food and goodies, talked about our lives and laughed. For once there were no tears (at least within the adult circle). It's always fun to visit with these friends.
My husand, you'll notice in the description of Satruday's events, didn't stick around the group. He wandered off with the kids instead of trying to engage in conversation with the adults. On Sunday, he did stay with the adults, he just didn't talk much. So little, in fact, that one of my friends commented on it. She said that he's noticeably more quiet than he's ever been. A difference that even people that don't see him that frequently can notice.
I have my husband back...but I don't have all of him. I miss how we used to be together. How we joked and laughed and teased. How he would make up stupid lyrics to regular songs just to get me to laugh. How he used to try and get my goat by throwing out one-liners and being sarcastic. Now he's just quiet and pensive. Lost in thought and worry. Lost. And I miss him. Terribly.
Blessing of the Day: friends
We got to picnic in the park both Saturday & Sunday. Saturday's was a combo birthday/welcome home party for my brother Lee and his wife Leigh. He's home for some R&R from Afghanistan and her birthday was on Tuesday. They both love to golf so I was asked to make them a golf themed cake.
Lee flew out to Afghanistan on the day of the assault. He hasn't been able to view the blog due to security measures by the Army. He's only gotten limited information from his wife. He came over Wednesday night to see us. The first person he wanted to see wasn't his only sister, or even his mother. It was Mark. He gave him a big hug and told him he scared the hell out of him. We sat and talked about everything that's happened since and he said that he and his CO just kept shaking their heads and asking, "Who does this? Who is capable of beating his own brother to within an inch of his life?" I showed him some pictures and he was just completely overwhelmed...again. It was good to get validation, yet again.
For the picnic we went to the South Fork Park above Vivian Park in Provo Canyon. It was a beautiful day to be outside. The kids played frisbee, rolled down the hill, went on "the BEST adventure EVER!!" (according to Avery), and saw a cow moose with her baby...3 times. Twice, Mark and the girls walked up on them in the trees. Then when we were driving down the canyon we saw them laying down in some grass bedding down for the night. It was a great evening.
On Sunday we headed up to Murray Park in Salt Lake to meet up with some dear friends. There were 8 adults and 15 kids. We stretched out some blankets, filled our tummies with picnic food and goodies, talked about our lives and laughed. For once there were no tears (at least within the adult circle). It's always fun to visit with these friends.
My husand, you'll notice in the description of Satruday's events, didn't stick around the group. He wandered off with the kids instead of trying to engage in conversation with the adults. On Sunday, he did stay with the adults, he just didn't talk much. So little, in fact, that one of my friends commented on it. She said that he's noticeably more quiet than he's ever been. A difference that even people that don't see him that frequently can notice.
I have my husband back...but I don't have all of him. I miss how we used to be together. How we joked and laughed and teased. How he would make up stupid lyrics to regular songs just to get me to laugh. How he used to try and get my goat by throwing out one-liners and being sarcastic. Now he's just quiet and pensive. Lost in thought and worry. Lost. And I miss him. Terribly.
Blessing of the Day: friends
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Angels Among Us
The Lord never ceases to amaze me. And neither do the people I'm surrounded by.
I always love going to see Mark's new doctor. I'm always amazed at the knowledge he has and his willingness to share that knowledge and expertise. I always feel genuine concern from him. A true desire to do all that he can to help Mark get his life back. A true desire to help as much as he can to right such a brutal and ruthless wrong. It's almost a love that we feel from him. A love from one of Heavenly Father's children to another. I can't adequately describe it. It's one of those things that can only be understood by being a part of it. Surely one of the greatest blessings our Father in Heaven has reserved for us. An angel given specifically to us. And once again, I am profoundly grateful for it. Perhaps one day I can express it adequately. One day.
While Mark was doing his testing with an assistant, the doctor came out and we discussed Mark's ability to go to work. The doctor reads this blog, so he knows Mark has a great desire to go back to work and provide for his family. But the doc explained that Mark going to work is a long time in the future. Mark's deficiencies are with language. Language is involved in EVERYTHING we do. And the basis of most of what we do. Last week while Mark was doing his testing, I was sitting there working on the smocking on Olivia's baptism dress, all the while listening and watching what was going on. The doc explained that I was performing a motor skill task (sewing), but was able to be engaged in what Mark was doing (watching, listening, understanding). That wasn't difficult for me as my brain is healthy. Mark is not capable of doing that. If he were to be put alone into a room that needed all of the switches & outlets changed, he would have no problem accomplishing this task. But the second someone walked into that room and asked questions, or took Mark's focus from his task, he wouldn't be able to accomplish it. He can't combine his motor skills with his cognitive language skills. His cognitive language skills have been compromised so severly that a breakdown occurs. And when you add the chronic fatigue that goes with a brain injury into the equation, it just get's worse.
We also talked about the possibility of PTE (post traumatic epilepsy) developing with Mark. He told me about a study that was published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Epilepsy occurs, evidently, a lot more often than the average person knows. In very mild brain injuries (concussion) it can develop in 1 of 100 people. In severe traumatic brain injuries such as Mark's, it can develop in 1 of 5 people. I think my face must have fallen quite far because he jumped at the opportunity to point out that while there is a 20% chance he could develop it, there's an 80% chance that he WON'T. He also said that it's very manageable with new medications. The only problem, really, is that in the State of Utah, if you are diagnosed with a seizure disorder, you CANNOT drive. I'm trying not to let all of this overwhelm me. I'm praying that Mark will be counted among the 80%.
As we walked out to the car I asked Mark how his testing went today. I asked him if it was hard. When he didn't say anything I looked over at him and he was crying. When he got control of his emotions, he was able to express that he feels so stupid. He feels so dumb because he can't find the answers to simple questions that he could before the injury. He said when the people that give him the test look at him, he can see the compassion in their eyes as they understand that he's not functioning at the level that he should be. It makes him feel even more stupid, but he understands that they don't mean it to be degrading. It's just a natural reaction to what they see before them. He wept as he expressed his desire to take care of his family and his inability to do so. He's embarrassed. He apologized profusely for not being the man he used to be. He apologized that he can't take care of me and our girls. He apologized that I had to endure such tremendous heartache. He apologized that his family did this to us. You can't comprehend how my heart breaks to witness such a humbling display of sorrow. And the anger that accompanies that heartbreak. Anger for such senselessness. This didn't have to happen.
I have some repenting to do. Just yesterday I was posting about my "pity party" attitude. And then the Lord stretches forth His hand, touches a practical stranger's heart, and provides an unspeakable gift to our family. I felt such gratitude for His willingness to love me and bless me, even when I lose sight of the many blessings that I have in my life...when it seems as if I have forgotten Him completely and the ourpouring of love and blessings from above. And my heart is full of gratitude for those who feel His touch and act on it. A truly altruistic action. A ministering angel. An angel that will never know the true value of her gift. An angel among us. Thank you.
Blessing of the Day: ministering angels
I always love going to see Mark's new doctor. I'm always amazed at the knowledge he has and his willingness to share that knowledge and expertise. I always feel genuine concern from him. A true desire to do all that he can to help Mark get his life back. A true desire to help as much as he can to right such a brutal and ruthless wrong. It's almost a love that we feel from him. A love from one of Heavenly Father's children to another. I can't adequately describe it. It's one of those things that can only be understood by being a part of it. Surely one of the greatest blessings our Father in Heaven has reserved for us. An angel given specifically to us. And once again, I am profoundly grateful for it. Perhaps one day I can express it adequately. One day.
While Mark was doing his testing with an assistant, the doctor came out and we discussed Mark's ability to go to work. The doctor reads this blog, so he knows Mark has a great desire to go back to work and provide for his family. But the doc explained that Mark going to work is a long time in the future. Mark's deficiencies are with language. Language is involved in EVERYTHING we do. And the basis of most of what we do. Last week while Mark was doing his testing, I was sitting there working on the smocking on Olivia's baptism dress, all the while listening and watching what was going on. The doc explained that I was performing a motor skill task (sewing), but was able to be engaged in what Mark was doing (watching, listening, understanding). That wasn't difficult for me as my brain is healthy. Mark is not capable of doing that. If he were to be put alone into a room that needed all of the switches & outlets changed, he would have no problem accomplishing this task. But the second someone walked into that room and asked questions, or took Mark's focus from his task, he wouldn't be able to accomplish it. He can't combine his motor skills with his cognitive language skills. His cognitive language skills have been compromised so severly that a breakdown occurs. And when you add the chronic fatigue that goes with a brain injury into the equation, it just get's worse.
We also talked about the possibility of PTE (post traumatic epilepsy) developing with Mark. He told me about a study that was published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Epilepsy occurs, evidently, a lot more often than the average person knows. In very mild brain injuries (concussion) it can develop in 1 of 100 people. In severe traumatic brain injuries such as Mark's, it can develop in 1 of 5 people. I think my face must have fallen quite far because he jumped at the opportunity to point out that while there is a 20% chance he could develop it, there's an 80% chance that he WON'T. He also said that it's very manageable with new medications. The only problem, really, is that in the State of Utah, if you are diagnosed with a seizure disorder, you CANNOT drive. I'm trying not to let all of this overwhelm me. I'm praying that Mark will be counted among the 80%.
As we walked out to the car I asked Mark how his testing went today. I asked him if it was hard. When he didn't say anything I looked over at him and he was crying. When he got control of his emotions, he was able to express that he feels so stupid. He feels so dumb because he can't find the answers to simple questions that he could before the injury. He said when the people that give him the test look at him, he can see the compassion in their eyes as they understand that he's not functioning at the level that he should be. It makes him feel even more stupid, but he understands that they don't mean it to be degrading. It's just a natural reaction to what they see before them. He wept as he expressed his desire to take care of his family and his inability to do so. He's embarrassed. He apologized profusely for not being the man he used to be. He apologized that he can't take care of me and our girls. He apologized that I had to endure such tremendous heartache. He apologized that his family did this to us. You can't comprehend how my heart breaks to witness such a humbling display of sorrow. And the anger that accompanies that heartbreak. Anger for such senselessness. This didn't have to happen.
I have some repenting to do. Just yesterday I was posting about my "pity party" attitude. And then the Lord stretches forth His hand, touches a practical stranger's heart, and provides an unspeakable gift to our family. I felt such gratitude for His willingness to love me and bless me, even when I lose sight of the many blessings that I have in my life...when it seems as if I have forgotten Him completely and the ourpouring of love and blessings from above. And my heart is full of gratitude for those who feel His touch and act on it. A truly altruistic action. A ministering angel. An angel that will never know the true value of her gift. An angel among us. Thank you.
Blessing of the Day: ministering angels
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Worry Wart
So much worry.
For the last few days Mark has been in a pretty deep depression. He hasn't been very active. He's not had any projects going. And for Mark, that's a problem. See...he's a thinker. And if he's not actively focused on DOING something, he starts thinking. Thinking about how useless he is. Thinking about how he can't be an electrician anymore. Thinking about how his wife has to go to work while he stays at home and tries to re-learn how to read. Thinking about how his family is living in someone else's home. Thinking about what a failure he has become. Thinking about how long it will be before his wife gets sick of it all and leaves him. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Worrying, worrying, worrying.
Mark is so consumed with whether or not he'll be able to work again. He asks me about 10 times a day if he'll ever be able to provide for his family. He asks me if it's the Lord that's told me he'll be able to work or if I just "think" he'll be able to. He wants to know what the doctor says and why we're doing all of this testing and not moving forward with things. A man of patience he is not. A man of worry he is.
And I've been doing some thinking myself. I've been thinking how tired I am of being the strong one. I've been thinking how emotionally & physically drained I am for having to be all things to everyone. I've been thinking how this is really hard, for all of us, and wondering what it's going to take for us to feel "normal" again. And maybe we just need to re-evaluate what "normal" is and just accept that there is no such thing. This is it. And as I type this all I can think is how tired I am. I'm just so very tired. Of everything.
Blessing of the Day: little girl hugs & kisses
For the last few days Mark has been in a pretty deep depression. He hasn't been very active. He's not had any projects going. And for Mark, that's a problem. See...he's a thinker. And if he's not actively focused on DOING something, he starts thinking. Thinking about how useless he is. Thinking about how he can't be an electrician anymore. Thinking about how his wife has to go to work while he stays at home and tries to re-learn how to read. Thinking about how his family is living in someone else's home. Thinking about what a failure he has become. Thinking about how long it will be before his wife gets sick of it all and leaves him. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Worrying, worrying, worrying.
Mark is so consumed with whether or not he'll be able to work again. He asks me about 10 times a day if he'll ever be able to provide for his family. He asks me if it's the Lord that's told me he'll be able to work or if I just "think" he'll be able to. He wants to know what the doctor says and why we're doing all of this testing and not moving forward with things. A man of patience he is not. A man of worry he is.
And I've been doing some thinking myself. I've been thinking how tired I am of being the strong one. I've been thinking how emotionally & physically drained I am for having to be all things to everyone. I've been thinking how this is really hard, for all of us, and wondering what it's going to take for us to feel "normal" again. And maybe we just need to re-evaluate what "normal" is and just accept that there is no such thing. This is it. And as I type this all I can think is how tired I am. I'm just so very tired. Of everything.
Blessing of the Day: little girl hugs & kisses
Monday, June 6, 2011
Life Expectancy
Mark was really down the other day and was worried that because of the severity of his injuries that his life expectancy would be cut short and he wouldn't be able to see his chilren get married and enjoy his grandchildren. While it was a serious, heartfelt concern, I kind of laughed and told him that if the Lord really wanted him, He had the opportunity to take him and He CHOSE not to. I'm convinced that Mark will have a long life, as long as we do what is necessary to rehabilitate his brain. But it really got me thinking. So I asked the doctor what his research shows. He said:
"The general answer is that normal life expectancy occurs with TBI provided that post-traumatic epilepsy (PTE) does not develop. I anticipate that Mark will have a normal life expectancy given everything I’ve seen to this point and how rapidly he has stabilized medically. However, if PTE develops then a significantly shortened life expectancy may occur. PTE can become a very, very difficult condition to treat. There are several other factors that we should discuss, but it is best not to discuss these with the patient at this point in the patient’s recovery because we always want to the patient – Mark -- to be focused on the present and working on their therapies and not worrying about what could potentially occur. With the type of brain injury he has, especially with the temporal lobe damage, he has a significant increased risk for major depression and we need to closely watch for that. After age 60, there is a substantial increased risk of more rapid age-related declines in cognitive ability. These are things best for you and I to discuss at this point. Typically, I’ll do more educationally with the TBI patient after 2 years post-injury. One other thing – extremely important is to never let Mark engage in anything that puts him at risk for another head injury. Even a rather mild traumatic brain injury could have devastating effects and erase all of the gains he has made."
Wow. I am hopeful that the doctor thinks that he'll have a normal life expectancy due to his rapid recovery, but very discouraged that his cognitive abilities can diminish rapidly after age 60. I know that there isn't a history of dimentia or Alzheimer's in Mark's family. His grandparents have lived long lives. But I also know that PTE can develop at any time. I'm beginning to think that my life would be much less stressful if I just stuck my head in the sand. You know...Ignorance is Bliss! But I also know that Knowledge is Power...so I'll keep asking the important questions, and try not to worry about the unknown. Try not to worry about things I have no control over. Try not to worry...
I didn't share any of this information with Mark. He doesn't read the blog because we talk about it a lot and reading is difficult for him. I can see the "significant increased risk for major depression" setting in. I'd like to say that it's due to his inability to be the man he used to be, but now may have to give some of the credit to the brain injury itself. Not just the aftermath of it. He get's a Priesthood Blessing from our Bishop about once a week. He's really struggling. And I feel like all I can do it hug him, promise him that things will get better, and pray my heart out that they do. They have to.
Blessing of the Day: knowledge
"The general answer is that normal life expectancy occurs with TBI provided that post-traumatic epilepsy (PTE) does not develop. I anticipate that Mark will have a normal life expectancy given everything I’ve seen to this point and how rapidly he has stabilized medically. However, if PTE develops then a significantly shortened life expectancy may occur. PTE can become a very, very difficult condition to treat. There are several other factors that we should discuss, but it is best not to discuss these with the patient at this point in the patient’s recovery because we always want to the patient – Mark -- to be focused on the present and working on their therapies and not worrying about what could potentially occur. With the type of brain injury he has, especially with the temporal lobe damage, he has a significant increased risk for major depression and we need to closely watch for that. After age 60, there is a substantial increased risk of more rapid age-related declines in cognitive ability. These are things best for you and I to discuss at this point. Typically, I’ll do more educationally with the TBI patient after 2 years post-injury. One other thing – extremely important is to never let Mark engage in anything that puts him at risk for another head injury. Even a rather mild traumatic brain injury could have devastating effects and erase all of the gains he has made."
Wow. I am hopeful that the doctor thinks that he'll have a normal life expectancy due to his rapid recovery, but very discouraged that his cognitive abilities can diminish rapidly after age 60. I know that there isn't a history of dimentia or Alzheimer's in Mark's family. His grandparents have lived long lives. But I also know that PTE can develop at any time. I'm beginning to think that my life would be much less stressful if I just stuck my head in the sand. You know...Ignorance is Bliss! But I also know that Knowledge is Power...so I'll keep asking the important questions, and try not to worry about the unknown. Try not to worry about things I have no control over. Try not to worry...
I didn't share any of this information with Mark. He doesn't read the blog because we talk about it a lot and reading is difficult for him. I can see the "significant increased risk for major depression" setting in. I'd like to say that it's due to his inability to be the man he used to be, but now may have to give some of the credit to the brain injury itself. Not just the aftermath of it. He get's a Priesthood Blessing from our Bishop about once a week. He's really struggling. And I feel like all I can do it hug him, promise him that things will get better, and pray my heart out that they do. They have to.
Blessing of the Day: knowledge
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Oh Blessed Day
What a glorious day for the Davis family. We had the wonderful opportunity of baptizing our beautiful Olivia. She is our love and such a blessing to our family. This was truly a blessed day.
Mark was extremely nervous as he prepared for today. He recited the baptism prayer about 700 times, only getting it right about 10 times. He was so afraid he wasn't going to get it right and would have to say it over and over again. The Bishop had a card, with the prayer printed on it, taped to the glass in front of Mark. He only messed up once. He was beaming with pride as he raised his beautiful daughter out of the water. My cheeks were wet with tears as I wept to see the man I love more than life itself perform this sacred ordinance for his baby girl. It was a blessing I prayed for, with all of my heart, back in December. It was the culmination of a miracle brought on by the many prayers of our friends and family, even strangers, all over the world. I partook today of an extraordinary gift from my Father in Heaven. I am profoundly grateful.
I bore my testimony to this fact and looked down at my sweet husband's face. His eyes were filled to the brim with tears, as he too, recognized this day for what it really is. A wondrous gift of a miracle. A profound recognition of the Lord's hand in our lives. A blessed day.
Blessing of the Day: cleanliness
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I've Got My Eye On You
Sometimes I sit down to blog out of obligation. I don't really have anything of importance to say. No news to report. No startling discoveries. I'm just drawn to the compulsion to share something...anything.
And it's funny how on those days when I think I don't have anything to say...I end up writing four long paragraphs. Maybe it's just the act of sitting down and placing my fingers on the keys that compels my thoughts and feelings to the surface.
Mark had an appointment with the opthamologist last week. We picked him up some glasses because with only one eye working, even though it's got 20/20 vision, it has to strain so much that it's difficult to see distance. We also picked up a cheap pair of reading glasses. Mark used to pride himself with the fact that his vision was perfect. Now he's down to only one eye and glasses. And it wasn't cheap, to boot. I'm really getting sick of the financial burdens and devastation that have come through the senseless acts of other people. It's really getting old.
We've been preparing much for Olivia's baptism. I remember unburdening myself to my mom one night when Mark was still in the ICU. I was worried that he wouldn't be able to baptize Olivia. I knew that if he wasn't able to, it would be devastating to him. But as we prepare for this sacred occassion, I am filled with love and gratitude that he can fulfill his role as Patriarch and father. I guess that's one of the silver linings in these dark heavy clouds that continue to overshadow us.
Blessing of the Day: new beginnings
And it's funny how on those days when I think I don't have anything to say...I end up writing four long paragraphs. Maybe it's just the act of sitting down and placing my fingers on the keys that compels my thoughts and feelings to the surface.
Mark had an appointment with the opthamologist last week. We picked him up some glasses because with only one eye working, even though it's got 20/20 vision, it has to strain so much that it's difficult to see distance. We also picked up a cheap pair of reading glasses. Mark used to pride himself with the fact that his vision was perfect. Now he's down to only one eye and glasses. And it wasn't cheap, to boot. I'm really getting sick of the financial burdens and devastation that have come through the senseless acts of other people. It's really getting old.
We've been preparing much for Olivia's baptism. I remember unburdening myself to my mom one night when Mark was still in the ICU. I was worried that he wouldn't be able to baptize Olivia. I knew that if he wasn't able to, it would be devastating to him. But as we prepare for this sacred occassion, I am filled with love and gratitude that he can fulfill his role as Patriarch and father. I guess that's one of the silver linings in these dark heavy clouds that continue to overshadow us.
Blessing of the Day: new beginnings
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